Understanding Dissociation: why it happens, what it feels like, and how to ground yourself

Dissociation is a word that comes up often in conversations around mental health, trauma, and emotional overwhelm. As a therapist, I’ve spoken to many people who have lived with dissociation, often without fully understanding what it was or why it was happening. This can be a confusing, disorienting and sometimes frightening experience. 

So, in this post, I want to gently unpack what dissociation is, explore why it happens - through the lens of Polyvagal Theory - describe what it might feel like, and offer some simple, grounding techniques you can use when those moments arise.

What Is Dissociation?

At its core, dissociation is a psychological experience of disconnection. This might be a disconnection from your thoughts, emotions, memories, sense of self, or surroundings. It’s a way the mind and body cope when something feels emotionally or physically overwhelming — a natural protective mechanism that allows you to temporarily “step away” from what you’re experiencing.

It’s important to understand that dissociation exists on a spectrum. It can range from mild experiences like daydreaming or “zoning out” during a long meeting, to more intense episodes where a person feels detached from their own body or reality. At the far end of the spectrum are dissociative disorders, which often involve chronic or severe dissociation typically connected to trauma or early life adversity.

Why Do We Experience Dissociation?

To understand dissociation, it helps to think about how the brain and nervous system respond to threat. When we encounter a situation that feels dangerous — whether physically or emotionally — our bodies automatically activate survival responses. These are instinctive, automatic processes governed by the autonomic nervous system, designed to keep us safe.

Most of us are familiar with the fight-or-flight response. Less commonly known, but just as important, is the freeze or shutdown response — and this is where dissociation often comes into play.

When neither fighting nor fleeing feels possible, our nervous system may trigger a protective state of disconnection. It’s not something we consciously choose. Rather, it’s the body’s way of reducing overwhelming emotional or physical pain, often by numbing sensations, emotions, and thoughts or creating a sense of detachment from reality.

Polyvagal Theory and Dissociation

To better understand this, it’s helpful to turn to Polyvagal Theory, a framework developed by the neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges. Polyvagal Theory explains how our autonomic nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for cues of safety and danger — a process called neuroception.

According to Polyvagal Theory, there are three main states our nervous system can enter in response to stress or safety:

1. Ventral Vagal (Social Engagement State): This is our safe, connected state. In this mode, we feel calm, open, grounded, and able to engage with others.

2. Sympathetic (Fight-or-Flight State): This is our mobilization response. When we perceive danger, our bodies gear up to fight or flee. Heart rate increases, breathing quickens, and we become hyper-alert.

3. Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown/Freeze State): If neither fighting nor fleeing feels possible or effective, the body may drop into this immobilized state. Here, heart rate slows, energy drops, and a person may feel numb, disconnected, or “not here.”

Dissociation often occurs in this dorsal vagal state. It’s the nervous system’s last-resort survival strategy when a situation feels too threatening or inescapable. While this response was originally designed to protect us in life-threatening physical danger, the nervous system can respond in the same way to emotional or relational trauma.

Understanding dissociation through this lens can be deeply validating. It reminds us that our bodies aren’t betraying us — they’re doing what they were designed to do, trying to protect us in the best way they know how.

What Does Dissociation Feel Like?

Everyone’s experience of dissociation is different, but common descriptions include:

• Feeling like you’re watching yourself from outside your body

• A sense that the world around you isn’t real, as if you’re in a dream or moving through fog

• Emotional numbness or an inability to feel emotions fully

• Losing track of time, or experiencing “time skips”

• A disconnection from your body — not feeling sensations like hunger, pain, or touch

• Difficulty recalling events clearly, especially during or after stressful situations

• Feeling spaced out, distant, or mentally “checked out”

For some people, these experiences can last seconds or minutes. For others, especially those with a history of trauma, dissociation can be a more prolonged or frequent state.

Grounding Techniques for Dissociation

When you notice yourself dissociating, the goal is to gently bring yourself back to the present moment and reconnect with your body and surroundings. This is where grounding techniques can be invaluable. These practices help anchor you to the here and now by engaging your senses and shifting attention away from internal distress. There are lots of techniques, so it's a good idea to try several out and see what works best for you - everyone's different. Also, don't forget they can require a bit of practice for them to work effectively, so don't worry if something doesn't seem to be that helpful - keep practising.

Here are a few grounding exercises that you might like to try:

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

This classic grounding tool involves identifying:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

By engaging your senses, you can re-establish a sense of place and presence in your environment.

2. Temperature Shifts

Use sensory contrast to reconnect with your body. Hold an ice cube, run your hands under warm or cool water, or press your feet firmly against the floor. Changing sensory input can interrupt dissociative states and anchor you physically.

3. Deep, Focused Breathing

Breathing intentionally can help regulate your nervous system. Try inhaling through your nose for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling through your mouth for six. Repeat several times, focusing on the sensation of air entering and leaving your body.

4. Movement

Gentle physical movement can help shift you out of immobilization. Stretch your arms, roll your shoulders, stamp your feet, or take a short walk around the room. Even subtle movements remind your body that it’s safe to be present.

5. Orienting to the Present

Look around the room and name objects you see, colours you notice, or sounds you hear. You might say to yourself, “I am sitting on my couch. It is Wednesday. The air feels cool, and I can hear birds outside.” Orienting helps re-establish a sense of time, place, and safety.

When to Seek Support

If you find that dissociation happens frequently, interferes with your daily life, or is connected to trauma or anxiety, it’s important to reach out for professional support. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you explore what’s beneath the dissociation, develop deeper awareness of your nervous system responses, and learn tools to cultivate safety and regulation.

Final Word

Dissociation is a natural, protective response to overwhelming situations. It isn’t a sign of weakness, failure, or brokenness — it’s evidence of a nervous system trying to keep you safe. While it can feel unsettling and confusing, understanding dissociation through frameworks like Polyvagal Theory can offer clarity and compassion for your experiences.

By learning simple grounding techniques and seeking support when needed, it’s possible to build greater resilience, reconnect with your body, and cultivate a sense of safety in the present.

If you’d like to talk to someone about dissociation, trauma, or anxiety, please reach out to me. I’m here to listen. I work online throughout the UK, at the Dragonfly Well-being Centre in Plymouth and the Wellness Rooms in Tavistock.